Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
