Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
