I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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