i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
