so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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