You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
