And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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