Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
