found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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