just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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