The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
