this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
