I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
