The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
