sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
