She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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