I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
