did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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