let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
