she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
