At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
