So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
