I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
