I think my fart just growled at me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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