You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
