im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
