so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
