I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
