I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
