I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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