so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
