I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
