next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
