I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
