is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
