You made me cry and you don't even care
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
