She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
