Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
