her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
