why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
