i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
