My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
