I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
