My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
