Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
