your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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