I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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