i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
