another moral hangover. fuck.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
