alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
